He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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