also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
