those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize