I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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