as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
