he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
