I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
