don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Duck Duck Cougar?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
