He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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