I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i now understand why vodka
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
