Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
