There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
