WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
