OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
