ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
