we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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