Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He felt like a one man threesome
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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