Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
