My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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