This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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