You were right. It hurts to walk today.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
