This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
even my farts smell like vagina
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
