you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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