I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
