oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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