So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
