If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Randomize
