were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
