I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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