I could have mohawked her pubes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
NoShamevember. You game?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
