I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
