wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
