apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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