Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
