i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize