maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize