WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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