I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
