the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
