I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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