Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
