I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
