At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
