so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
