i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
