Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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