I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How does one acquire holy water?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize