i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
