We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
