You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
