she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
