I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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