Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
