Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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