then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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