Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
