I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
