Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
