Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
