I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
