I just threw up on my dentist
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I didn't notice because vodka
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
