JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
