I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
