I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
