So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is Oprah even human
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
