Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
