Me. At least after what I've been through.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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